This blog is for us

Sweetheart,

My first post to you. I hope that there is some way that you can see or know what I'm saying to you. I'm using a blog because I just tend to cry when I talk out loud to you, and I don't like the hollow sound of my voice or the silence that follows. This method at least reminds me of all those times back in college when we were apart when I used to email you.

This will also be where I post all my thoughts, feelings, and ideas as they come. They may be random and incoherent at times, but I can promise you that they will be honest.

I am at Sis and Arthur's apartment in Gainesville right now. I will be here until this coming Thursday. Pat and Jeanette will be bringing me my new car this coming weekend, or I might stay longer. I wasn't really in the mood to tag along to Disney anyway (could be fun, but you know how I feel about the "D" word). I may come back and stay with them again at a later date if I feel like it.

I really like the homey atmosphere here. I wasn't sure what it will be like, but it is pleasant so far and helps to distract me from the terrible feelings that plague me otherwise. I am even able to type without crying (almost, at least) while I am here. As much as I love Kathrinstadt, it is too lonely for me right now, especially after Mike and TJ left yesterday.

It's nice to hear the sounds of a happy household in the background, and I still have some privacy here in Alex's room. I am sleeping in Gregory's bunk, complete with Transformers sheets! Pretty funny. They have a very nice apartment with a pleasant layout. I have privacy without feeling isolated, which seems to be what I need right now.

I brought a bunch of stuff from home for the next few days. Well, not that much actually. Mostly toiletries and clothing. But I did bring the TootsieToy DC-3 that you bought me, and I had to bring the picture that I keep at my side of the bed (the one of us at Chili's at the Orlando airport from 2001, our first trip together). I also brought your brown turtleneck sweater, which I have been sleeping with since you passed. It is so difficult to type that word. I'm sorry, Love. I do miss you so terribly. Too much for words.

Anyway, back to this post. I was doing well holding back the leaky seals. Now I am typing with double-vision.

Not sure what I will be doing tomorrow or after that while I'm here. We'll see. Sandy has befriended me and follows me everywhere wanting to play fetch with her many toys or climb up and drool on my lap. Typical golden! She is a sweet dog and it's nice to have a friendly hound around. Dad is taking care of ours at Kathrinstadt and I can only hope that he will have an okay time of it. Eddie tried to dismantle his dog house today. Dad will have to repair it as best he can before I take Eddie home to Mike and Sean. I hope our big baby dog doesn't give Dad too rough a time or I will hear about it (from Dad)!

I hope that Monday doesn't prove too difficult for me with Sis at school all day and evening. I will probably spend a lot of time online. I put eBay on vacation settings until this coming weekend. I have Ghoststudy and this blog too. I talked with Kristin from Ghoststudy on the phone last night. She is so sweet and wonderful to talk to. Very understanding and empathetic. Our friends have been lifesavers throughout this.

I will log off for now. You will see me on here later, no doubt. Until then, keep yourself for me wherever you are. I miss you Sweets and love you always. *Blows you a kiss* "Ich liebe Sie am meisten!"