My Love...

Six weeks.

I miss you terribly. Right now there is such a crushing hole inside me. Many days, it is difficult to grasp the hope I held onto at first. Is it still there? Please help me find it and be able to hold onto it for good.

I pray every night for you to be able to reach out to me, so that I can feel your presence and know in my heart that it's really you. And last night I dreamed about you. You were sitting up in bed. You looked well, not sick at all, and you were smiling and talking with me. You were reminiscing about the night we brought you to the hospital and how high your fever was. You were talking about it in the way you always had of making light of things that were once of concern but that you have now moved beyond and no longer need to worry about.

Was that really you with me? Or just a dream in the pure sense? Different people would argue that it was one or the other. I wish I knew whether or not it was really you.

I remember those dreams I used to have about my mom, where we both acknowledged that she was dead, but she was able to talk anyway and we thought it was no big deal. People told me that this was her way of making contact with me and visiting me. Could this be yours?

Please, come back to me in more dreams. Let us spend more loving time together, so that maybe I can wake up reassured and peaceful. Sleep is becoming more peaceful to me. I wish that waking could be the same.

My prayers remain just as strong, and I reiterate them every day. Please, let my Love reach out to me. Let me feel his presence around me. Let him make himself known to me in an unmistakable way, so that I can know in my soul that he is still with me, watching over me and loving me as much as always. I am selfish, Liebe, and need you here with me. As much as you can be. Please.

I love you, Dearest Heart. Be with me always.