I hurt so much, Love...

My Dear Love...I need your strength and inspiration. I'm in a really bad place right now.

Nothing could make me feel "up" today, and that's the first time that's happened in a while. There's nobody to talk to right now. I just talked to TJ and it only made me feel worse. He's too pragmatic and I need someone who will lift me up and INSIST that I will feel better with time.

I'm so scared, Love.

I'm so scared about not getting the job that I so badly need and want...you know the one.

I'm so scared that I'll feel like this always.

I'm so scared that my life will go on for decades and that it will be decades of hell and loneliness. I want to know at least some of the happiness that we shared while you were with me here on earth. I want at least some of it back. Most of it. Dear Sweets, I don't know if I can go on with this loneliness and purposelessness.

I don't know who exactly I need to call on to bring your love and inspiration to me, so I'll call on everyone who I can think of: our God, our guides, our angels, and mostly you yourself.

I hurt so much, Love. I want you. I need you. If there's any way you can reach out to me, PLEASE DO IT!

I'm so alone right now and it's killing me. Don't let me fall, my Love. Come to me somehow, even if it's just to put a good peaceful feeling into my heart again. I feel like I'm dying. I want to feel alive and full of love and hope. Help me, Love. Be with me in spirit. Bring your love to me in any way you can.

I love you, Dearest. Whatever happens, wherever I go, wherever my path leads, know that you will always be my heart and soul and the greatest part of my life. And that you will be that way forever.

I love you. More than anything. Please come and love me back.