Morning again

First morning of my stay in Pittsburgh. There are snow flurries. I know how much you would have loved those.

It is strange and sad not to be able to call you first thing upon waking like I did every morning that I was up here for the wedding back in April. Even worse that I can never do so again, from anywhere.

I know it's not what you'd want me to think or say, but if the flu had to take you, I still wish it had taken me along with you. I will always wish that. I'm sorry.

I hope that life can bring me something that will make me glad to still be around. Can it? Right now, it's difficult to imagine anything of the sort. The best I manage to do is find something like my friendship with Michael and TJ that gives me some semblence of comfort and enjoyment in your absence, but even that is but a shadow of my former life.

What shall I do, Love? I don't want to spend my life hurting. What now?

I know what you would tell me. And what you'd tell me still doesn't give me you.

I need you.

And I don't have a choice when it comes to carrying on.

That's why I wish we could have gone together.

I love you, Dear Heart.